May 22nd Friday

It’s a while since I thought about my inner child, there’s always so many other things that I am wanting to do and to think about I forget how important she is. When I picture her I feel joyful because I see her waving at me full of fun no cares in the world skipping along in her own little world. That was when she was very young before the age of five, before all the heartache of her mother being so ill with severe OCD and her father unable to cope due to his own upbringing. I know she is still inside me a big part of who I am and if I don’t give her attention then I missing out on some of the joy and fun that is available to me. At this time with so much isolation I need to hone in on her again. I start by imagining her beside me sharing the good feelings doing activities together that I know she will love and put a sense of fun into. Seeing everything as if it’s for the first time which we do more naturally as children, but as adults we have to really concentrate to get there. Staying in the moment being present to the body or part of the body following hands or feet listening to sounds around us being aware of our thoughts.

I haven’t painted since my stroke 15 months ago though I am an artist, but today I started with my child Gillian. I found a piece of watercolour paper already stretched on the board left from last year. I have as an adult the tendency to paint neatly and fairly controlled, but Gillian just wants to put lots of colour randomly on the paper so that’s what we do. While sorting my books out I found a book on pen and ink wash I’ve always meant to do this have a go, but get put off as I am much better with colour then with the drawing part, but Gillian encourages me to have a go this is about enjoyment not achievement she says, let’s have some fun.