Time to reflect

The sun is out there’s white fluffy clouds in the sky, it’s a beautiful day. I am back on my bench in the Body Park remembering the same experience this time last year, it’s hard to believe a whole year has passed by.

Lots of us are in ‘bubbles’ in this pandemic but for the time being my bubble has burst, so I’m once again on my own. I am also in between paintings, waiting for materials I have no control over. I don’t really want to start a new painting until I have finished the last of my series of three. So I am in a vacuum, fidgety and restless unsure of what lies ahead or what to do next. I know this is a place we all find ourselves in at various times and I’m trying to use this space to ask the question ‘what do I really want to do, what’s my next painting or shall I be concentrating on writing, where do I want my life to go? Can I structure my days differently, what habits that don’t serve me can I let go of, what new ones do I want to encourage and incorporate into my life. They’re only small questions in the overall scheme of things, but they’re big players in the day to day. So it’s time to reflect, something we all need to do from time to time, stand back out of the trance we live in and look as an observer at our occupations, habits, rituals and what makes us, us? Change can only be done one small piece at a time!

I love the spring and summer and at the beginning of it I always have this fear I might waste it. I watch the leaves opening on the trees and panic they are opening too quickly for me because I don’t want this time, this precious time to pass. Of course what I really need to do is to accept being in the moment knowing I have no control of time only what I do with it.

I sit here searching for that feeling of contentment that I know from experience I can feel. I go back through the files in my mind searching memories of such times looking for that piece that inprint so I can hook into it and bring it back to now, to this present moment, ah I got it.......................

Often when I look into the future and ask myself what do I really want, if I think deeply enough the answer is always the same, to feel content with life and seek the joy in every day, I know it’s there I just need to remember to

look for it!